Well it's Monday...

Don't you always feel like you are only responsible for what happens Monday through Friday?  I do.  The weekend was good, Saturday was very fun, drank a bit too much wine Saturday night, I don't have an excuse- I like wine and I was hanging out with some great friends!

So last night I did not have a thing to eat after 9pm, YAY!  That is the good news, the bad would be that I only slept 4 hours because my back was really hurting, which today has resulted me having a migraine and hopped up on muscle relaxers...  Nice way to start the week.

I was thinking about my Grandma this morning, she passed away this past April.  In March '09, she insisted we take a picture when my sister was in town with her two boys.  She wanted a picture of her with all 3 generations of Cudneys, just reminded me of how fierce her love for all of us was.  Now I have that picture on my desk and my two year old was just looking at it and pointing at my Grandma, it made me incredibly sad, which caught me off guard.  My Grandma was so delighted when Punky was born, everyone was!  We didn't think we'd have a girl since we are in eternal boy land.  It breaks my heart knowing she would have loved to see P grow up and wear cute dresses, learn to swim, ride bikes and be a girl.

I am always interested in emotional triggers that cause overeating or emotional eating.  I never have thought I had any of those.  Have you?  Usually when I get depressed or anxious I cry and stop eating, which isn't good either.  So I am working on trying to look inside myself and figure out what my triggers are.  For everything- not just eating.  I am naturally an anxious person, I always feel the need to be in control and have a very hard time when things get out of control  So if that is true- how did I let my weight and health get out of control?  I really don't understand that part.

I am also learning to listen to myself a bit better.  I have a dear friend from college and she has always guided her life based on her instinct, she listens to herself and her spirit guides her.  I have always admired that about her.  She doesn't try to control that part of her and I do.  When my first child was born, my Grandma had given me the beat advice, which was to listen to myself, to my instinct as a Mother.  My friend and my Grandma were very similar in that manner.  I hope I can begin to listen to my inner voice and trust it rather than allow everyone else's voices tell me what is right for me.

We'll see how that goes.

Peace, Melinda