And here I go...

So here goes...everything!  I have many inspirations to take this journey, my husband, my children, but the biggest and most important would be myself.  I feel pretty selfish saying that.  I think as mothers or women, we are trained that we come last.  We get up at the crack of dawn to take a shower and get ready so that there is time to dress and feed the kids.  We go without in order for our kids to have what they need.

I have very few things I feel like I own, so I guess the purpose here is to say that I am going to own my body.  Own the shape it has become, but own the fact that things have to change and then I will own the right to feel good about myself.  This is not to say that everyone must be a size 2 in order to be valued- everyone has value as a child of God and as a part of humanity.  So it shouldn't matter what size your jeans say or what the number on the scale is, you have value.  I HAVE VALUE!  But I know that I am not healthy and I do not take care of myself and I am not whole.

I have spent the last calendar year trying to decide what career field to enter and to get there, what school I needed to attend.  It has taken me an entire year to figure all of that out and begin.  I did research, talked to friends and made sure the school I would be attending would be one of the best.  So why wouldn't I want the best for my body?  Why, why, why....  That is the eternal and unanswerable question- for now.  Maybe I'll come to an answer, guess we'll have to wait and see.

So just as I have set goals for my education and career, I will attempt to set some for my own personal self. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.  I will decide what is right for me.  I have this problem (as do most of us) of looking at friends and even strangers and somehow think they have it all figured out!  Being a size 2 must be happiness!  Yes, I must strive to be a size 2!  Running a marathon must be my goal!  Yes, I must run a marathon!  Those might realistic goals for somebody, but they aren't for me.  A. I am almost 5'9", if I were a size 2 you would be able to count my ribs!  B.  I don't like running or being sweaty or being in the sun!  In fact I have always said I would only run if someone were chasing me with a knife.  So why would I strive to be like someone else?  There is only one of me, so shouldn't I love me?

Don't get me wrong, I am taking this seriously.  This is the war of my life and I know that.  I am 36 years old and I want to see 40.  I want to see my kids graduate from high school and get married.  I want to see my daughter have a child (mostly so I can see if it's true that she will have a child as challenging as she is! But that is another blog...).  I want to put a swimsuit on and go to the beach one day.  I want to be the woman who loves having her picture taken again.  I want my husband to look at me like there isn't anyone more beautiful than me.  I want my daughter to have a healthy self-esteem and love herself.  I want to LIVE!

So for this week I have a few goals I would like to meet.  Goal 1- make sure I eat three healthy meals a day and no snacking after 9pm.  Goal 2- begin doing some simple yoga or pilates 3 x a week (this is actually more doctor's orders- yep, I am a stressed out, over committed mother!) Goal 3- take a walk around the block with my dog 3 days this week.  That's it for this week.

I invite you to post your comments about your own struggles with all of these issues.  I look forward to walking this journey and I have faith that I will become the person I want to see in the mirror.

Peace, Melinda