Disturbance in the force....

It appears I have hit one of those bumps in the road we often run into.  Right now mine feels like a 12ft brick wall, but you get the idea.  We dropped our son off at Boy Scout camp on Sunday and he will be there until Saturday.  He has never been away from home this long without us and it has been ROUGH!  He called Monday morning and I didn't recognize the number so I hit the big red "decline" button.  Big mistake.  When I checked the voicemail, I heard my sweet child sobbing and begging me to call me back.  It was brutal. I desperately tried to call back right away, but it was a pay phone and I kept getting a busy signal.  So I spent Monday crying and experiencing the worst Mom guilt ever known to motherhood.  But he hasn't called back, so I'm sure he is fine, but my heart still aches.  I never knew you could miss someone so much.

This is really a time of flux and change in our family and I'm not big on change.  I know the whole "theory" about the only constant in life is change- but I am not a fan.  Today my little baby girl went to Vacation Bible School for the first time.  She has been waiting to go since she could talk and voice her displeasure that her brother got to go, but she didn't.  So it's been a week of growing up and changing for my kids and a week of tears and pleading with God for more time with them for me. And it is only Tuesday....

Tuesday is my weigh-in and meeting day and it seems my streak continued.  I managed to gain 6 lbs in one week!  How exactly does one manage to do that?  I had never been an emotional eater, in fact in the past if I was upset I would just stop eating.  So I am trying to be more aware of my emotional eating, but I am still trying to absorb (no pun intended) how exactly I put on 6 freaking pounds??  That is basically one pound a day!

But I am taking a deep breath and realizing that tomorrow is a new day.  I don't know what caused ALL of those six pounds to jump back on my hiney and all I can do is recommit to myself.  Recommit to the things I know work for me, tracking the food I eat, the activity I do and know that God is walking next to me on the journey.  And I need to remember that He loves my son more than I ever could and when I can't put my arms around him and tell him he is going to be ok, Jesus is sitting right next to him up the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains and filling his heart with peace and keeping him safe.

But don't get me wrong, come Saturday morning I will be racing up to the camp to pick up my boy and by that night all will be right in Castle Howard.

Peace~
Melinda

I'm baaaacckk....!

So I took a hiatus...yes a long one.  The last 18 months of my life have been less than fun.  I started to write about all the fun medical procedures I have been through, but does anybody really want to rehash that? I certainly don't.  It sucked, I had three surgeries within a 4 month span, spent months in pain and now I am making my way back.  I joined Weight Watchers back in April, it is a plan that has always worked for me and it continues to work for me.  But this time, it is not about vanity. Now I am not saying I am not dying to be able to walk into any store and pick out a pair of skinny jeans and a seriously cute pair of boots and marvel at myself in a three way mirror, because I am!  But this past 18 months showed me more than anything that, I am, in fact, actually mortal.  I will die one day!  I just don't  want it to be today.  I have an 11 year old son and 4 year old daughter and I am turning 40 in exactly 49 days (that is a blog for another day!) and I don't want to live in this body anymore.  I want to be strong and healthy.  I don't want to be the 24 year old, 5'9", 140lb version of me- don't get me wrong, she was damn cute.  I want to be the healthy 40 year old version of me.  So anyway, that is that.  

So far I have lost 14 lbs and 8 1/2 inches.  I can feel how different this time around is for me.  I am in this for the long haul, I am committed more that I ever have been.  I find myself looking forward to learning more about how the body works and how I can improve how mine works.  I have never been one that likes getting sweaty and hot and dirty- ask anyone who knows me, I will avoid dirt and heat at all costs.  But I now find myself looking for challenges, they are small ones right now, but it is a start.  I see inspiration all around me.  I have an amazing friend who has survived cancer twice and has now recreated a healthy life for herself and she just doesn't quit.  I have other friends who run marathons regularly, lift weights just to improve how strong they physically are and continually push themselves everyday physically.  I honestly think God has placed these women all around me on purpose- there is NO escaping them!  They are everyday reminders of what I hope to achieve and have been my constant supporters, I am so grateful for them.

So I'm back.  Can't say I will be perfect at this journey, no one ever is.  But I am giving it my all and I am slowly working my way back to being healthy and to figuring out who I am and what my health journey is.  And it won't look like anyone else's...cause God only made one Melinda and she isn't a quitter- so watch out world!

Peace~
Melinda